Vagina

Candi...I will preface this by saying that you should not read it. But everyone else...enjoy.

Christopher Robbins...clearly I stole this from your facebook because I loved it.

150 ways to reference the vagina:

vagina, bearded clam, vertical smile, beaver, trim, hair pie, bearded ax wound, tuna taco, fur burger, cooch, cooter, punani, snatch, twat, lovebox, box, poontang, cookie, hole, love canal, flower, nana, pink taco, cat, catcher's mitt, muff, roast beef curtains, the cum dump, chocha, black hole, sperm sucker, fish sandwich, warmer, whisker biscuit, carpet, love hole, deep socket, cum craver, squeezer, slice of heaven, flesh cavern, the great divide, cherry, tongue depressor, clit slit, hatchet wound, honey pot, quim, meat massager, chacha, stinkhole, black hole of calcutta, socket, pink taco, bottomless pit, dead clam, cum crack, twat, rattlesnake canyon, bush, cunny, flaps, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, gash, glory hole, grumble, man in the boat, mud flaps, mound, peach, pink, piss flaps, the fish flap, love rug, vadge, the furry cup, stench-trench, wizard's sleeve, DNA dumpster, tuna town, split dick, bikini bizkit, holster, cockpit, snooch, kitty kat, poody tat, grassy knoll, cold cut combo, Jewel box, rosebud, curly curtains, furry furnace, slop hole, velcro love triangle, nether lips, where Uncle's doodle goes, altar of love, cupid's cupboard, bird's nest, bucket, cock-chafer, love glove, serpent socket, spunk-pot, hairy doughnut, fun hatch, spasm chasm, red lane, stinky speedway, bacon hole, belly entrance, nookie, sugar basin, sweet briar, breakfast of champions, wookie, fish mitten, pocket, hump hole, pink circle, silk igloo, scrambled eggs between the legs, black oak, Republic of Labia, juice box, Golden Palace, fetus flaps, skins, sausage wallet. Holiest of Holies, sugar hole, The Death of Adam, home plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw, Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler (Aussie), Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, crack, Melvin, Dove Breast, Brakepads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums, Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts, Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants (Sweden), Ninja Boot, Marcia (Aussie), Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole, Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Sausage Wallet, Front Bottom, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll, Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie (China), Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket, Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, kitty cage, Chicken's tongue, Conch shell, Crack of heaven, Dog's mouth, Door of life, Fly catcher, Fruit cup, Jelly roll, Lobster pot, bunny tuft, KNISH, her neighbor, lotus, nappy dugout, moneymaker, womens weapon, tackle box, bone hider, red sea, pizzo, JIZZ RECEPTICLE, The Helmut Hide-A-Way, hairy heaven, furry 8 ball rack, crave cave, arbys with fur, fish canyon, toolshed, snake charmer, Furby, Enchilada of love, Ham sandwich, Camarillo brillo, Brazilian caterpillar, dick rack, boy in the canoe, flesh tuxedo, Mound of Venus, queef quarters, Venus butterfly, cooter, cream canal, poontang pie, wet mark, private area, thresher, punash, salami garage, tunnel of love, slurpee machine, pink cookie, penalty box, ground zero, meat crease, bait, birth canal, holy grail, pole hole, pork pie, fuzz bucket, one-eyed python trail, bubble gum by the bum, stink rink, theme park, saloon doors, pink truffle, bitter & twisted, burger bar, meat counter, temperamental ringpiece, python syphon, big bud, the Wombsday Book, the condo downstate, snake lake, the indoor barbecue, pound cake, beef tomato, tickled pink, launch pad, horn of plenty, the indoor picnic, hamper of goodies, flapped bap, bonefish, close encounter with the turd kind, sperm bank, man's charity bash, bush tucker, midnight dip, the one-door vulva, the welcome opponent, the Twatlantic Ocean, temporary lodgings, field of dreams, bean, cooze, old catchers mitt, devil's hole, lucy, pish buffet, pooswaa, poonaner, davey jones locker, pink panther, tinker bell, south mouth, dick eater, wonder bread, wolly bolly, foxhole, hot pocket, head catcher, Lawrence of A Labia, silk funnel, dick driver, purple people penis eater, meat curtains, ponchita, cherry pop tart, fat rabbit, s, pee jaws, mingus, The Notorious V.A.G., stench trench, poon jab, nappy dugout, babyoven, penis parking, cooter muffin, the promised land, pocket, cha cha, the shrine, bitch ditch, fury pink mink, mammal hole, ever-lasting cum stopper, the toothless blow job, happy flappy, wilt chamberlian's daily glove, the code defierthe salt water taffy factory, mommy's pie, the easy bake oven, the deflower patch, the virginator, the schlong sucker, the dea bone patch, the vegitarian's temptation, the vegan store, the blow hole, the pump protector, bag pipe, Spitball Bullseye, meat wagon, pickle stinker, jezebel's smell, yoni, willys haven, scrumpter, peach, sweat box, yeast pocket, penis warmer, tampon tunnel, penis pothole, cucumber canal, egg drop Box, sperm shack, dick dungeon, curator, b.o.b.'s bungalow, mommy parts, tuna pot pie, nice slice, peter vise, sock, rack of clam, peters grove, penis purse, grandest canyon, fish dish, banana box, tuna spread, pink portal, count fapula, red river gorge, happy valley, revolving in/out door, baby zipper, richards house, stop-n-pop, bone polisher, packin shack, weiner wrap, clap trap, camel toe, dildo hotel, axe gash, pearl hotel, sea food six pack, clam canal, coose canal, dick deposit, wand waxer, vidgie, erie canal, candy kiss, gauntlet, round mound of beehound,lick n' stick, lap flounder, tomahawk chop, chin-chin, pachinko, ry pie, lip tip, the big casino, one eyed worm hole, amazon forest, cave, donut, coochie pop, babby, wet seal, pissy froth hole, bald biscuit, the unmentionable, mans ruin, peeshie, hairy potter, courtney cocksleve, panty hamster,deep pink, jaws of life, gizmo, faith, magnet, slippery slide, Meat tunnel, pink heaven, squid, dick basket, hot spot, poochika, pudding, bowl, love cave, squeeze-box, quim, honey pot, the bone collector, goodie basket, depository, pink turtleneck, bread-box, little debbie, pole hole, pandora's box,snail tracker, zilla, homebase, pud pocket, bear trap, indiana bones and the temple of poon, chanch, big montana, noochie, choot, golden valley, nappy roots, dick mitten, mystical fold

Too much to do...

I've started to update this about six times since the last entry...but one of two things always happens: 1. I get distracted and ended up starting some other project. 2. Or that fuckin' error message about my cookies being disabled pops up...and I'm usually too lazy to fix it...so I get distracted and start another project.

But here I am tonight...I got the error message...and actually fixed it, just so I could put off working on my care plan a little longer. Brilliant idea really, since I have that and two exams to study for. I wouldn't really call this laziness, but I really really don't feel good. Aside from the fact that I haven't been sleeping well, my tummy is still really screwed up. :( So I figure I can cut myself a little slack on the homework thing. . . plus God knows I won't be getting to sleep til the wee hours of this morning, so I have some time yet tonight to finish care planning.

Odd that it's already Saturday of fall break...and I'm just now actually getting to a point where I might start homework. That is not to say, however, that my break has been a waste...of course not. I have managed to accomplish/ponder/burn quite a few things. Here they are:

1. Let us begin with the burning. I thought that it would be a good idea to bake some cookies tonight. I thought it would be a sweet gesture to bring some cookies to the guys at work tomorrow. I thought I had it under control. I THOUGHT WRONG! Turns out that we still don't have an electric mixer (no big surprise really, since neither of us has bought one--maybe I thought one just might magically appear??) so the process of making dough was kind of a bitch. So after wrestling with that...the dough balls make it into the oven. In addition to the fact that our oven is possessed by the spawn of Satan...the temperature control is actually the Devil himself. I didnt' realize until far too late that Prince of Darkness was baking my cookies...and they all turned out burnt. It wasn't that I left them in too long or wasn't watching them or didn't just buy brand new pans...it was the fact that when using that devil-oven, one has no control over how hot or nothot it is. This resulted in a cookie disaster.

2. Accomplishment time: if I were to list these...it would be a dishearteningly brief list. So instead, I'll just tell you a little about my break. I had coffee with an old friend from home Wednesday night. Anytime this friend calls to get together...I have to be on high guard. I know what he's after and it's almost a fun game we play when we get together now. I would probably cancel my subscription to that friendship altogether if it weren't for the simple fact that I enjoy his company...even if he is a perv. Ah well though...nonetheless I won...and he went home without accomplishing his ultimate goal. :)

3. Actually that little tidbit leads me to the pondering. A lot of my conversation with the old friend revolved around my new relationship. Apparently the concept of faithfulness and fidelity is one which falls entirely upon deaf ears with this guy. But at the end of the night...I was actually almost surprised. Fidelity is not exactly my strong suit...I am damned impulsive and am almost always up for a quick fling. So this got me to thinking about how much I really really care about Chris. I've been going nuts without him here in Muncie these last few days. I almost hate the fact that I've gotten so attached...especially after I said I wasn't gonna let that happen after the whole Kevin thing...I spent a solid nine months running away from anything resembling a relationship. But, on the other hand...I love the fact that I care about him so much. Hardly a minute goes by that I'm not thinkin' about him (I'm not mushy very often...so just bear with me). . . and I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep since he left Wednesday. . . my bed just isn't as cozy without him in it.

Ok ok...I'll stop there. That was a really long post...and kudos to you if you made it all the way through my rambling to this point.

Leave some love (but let's do it without the breakfast foods this time guys).

Psycho Billy strikes again...

So...it's been a while...I've been really really busy. But I finally have a few minutes tonight where I don't absolutely have to be doing anything else. So it's time for an update.

Things with the guy I'm dating couldn't be better... :) It actually is the happiest I've been in a really really long time...I should've left Kev two years ago when I had the perfect opportunity and didn't. I could've saved myself a lot of trouble and been really happy then. But oh well, things happen for a reason I guess.

BUT...just when I thought that Psycho Billy was finally out of my life...he rears his ugly redneck head again. I was just hangin' out watching a movie with Chris last Friday (maybe Saturday?) night...and my phone rings. I didn't get to it in time...so I had a voicemail. It was Billy's friend...and the voicemail consists of him yelling at me about how I need to leave Kevin alone and quit bothering him and quit fucking with his head and stay out of his life. Odd...I haven't talked to Psycho Billy in over a month. So this means one of three things: 1. Psycho Billy, true to his name, has actually lost his damn mind completely and really believes that he's been talking to me every night. 2. He's lying to everyone and telling him that I'm calling him every night. 3. Those two bitches got drunk and thought it'd be fun to harass me. At any rate...I called Justin back to ask what the hell? He tells me that Kevin hasn't been able to move on and that I'm all he talks about...and that I just need to quit calling him so he can get on with his life cuz everyone is sick of him whining about it. And ya know...I'd gladly oblige....with one giant problem though...I HAVEN'T TALKED TO PSYCHO BILLY IN WELL OVER A MONTH. So Justin says that he'll figure it out and see what's going on. I go back to my movie and assume that all is well...no such luck. My phone rings again...and Justin's number pops up again. This time...I hear shouting and a very angry Psycho Billy in the background...he proceeds to throw out all sorts of obscenities directed at me...it felt kinda strange...but ya know, I actually laughed...the whole situation was just damn absurd. I guess I've always had a soft spot for mental illness...he can't help it that he's gone nuts...a damn shame, really...although he never really has made much of a contribution to society anyway...might actually do more good if someone would just bury him and let all his bullshit go for fertilizer.

And for the record, no I'm not always so harsh about all my exes. I'm really quite pleasant with most of them...but then again, I've never been afraid that any of the others might try to kill me.

Yucky

Bleh. I really feel like hell tonight. I don't know exactly what the problem is...I just know that I haven't felt good all day. I spent a good portion of clinicals today with my head on the table while everyone else frantically practiced their comp....I just honestly didn't care if I passed it or not...I would've gotten another chance. So I came home and took a nap...was supposed to get up and go to class at 6. That didn't happen...Courtney just took my stuff in for me...I'm pretty sure I wouldn't really have given a damn about the immune system lecture tonight...I am well aware that mine isn't working right now and that's all I needed to know.

I'm sure I'm not gonna die...so let's move on to some happier stuff. Things are going pretty well otherwise. It really is nice to have companionship that I enjoy again...I'd forgotten what it was like to have someone that I actually like around the majority of the time :) (Don't anyone get offended, I enjoyed most of your company too...but it wasn't ever really consistent, and I never technically "dated" any of the rest of ya).

AND...my brother and his wife had the first ultrasound for the new baby today!! and by 'baby'...turns out that I mean 'babies'!! :) They are definitely having twins!! How incredibly awesome is that?? So now not only do I get to be twice the aunt...I'm three times the aunt I was before...hehe.

Finally, I will leave you with this thought....

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey: man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. I used to draw you. (Stares at hand.) Man, if you were missing a couple of fingers, you drew one fucked-up turkey. You'd be like, "That turkey's been in an accident."

Two things: 1. If you've never seen/heard of Mitch Hedberg...you need to google that shit now. You will be amazed.
2. This quote came about as a result of me drawing a hand turkey on my roommate's physio notes...hehe.

Impossible

I think I've finally reached a conclusion. I might actually be impossible to please. Nothing makes me happy and I am never satisfied with what I have. I'll always think I'm happy for a little while, then I get over it. I really think that it might just be that I'm too lazy to put effort into finding what will make me happy.

I really think being a circus freak might be the best option...how can you get bored with that?? I don't really have to fall in love...and I don't have to get a real job...and I don't ever have to let anyone get close to. I can travel from town to town with my ragtag band of fellow circus freaks...and they can be my only acquaintances. And since they're all freaks, I don't have to worry about relationships and all that shit...and I won't have to settle in any one place for longer than a few days...so no risk of developing attachments there.