Cap'n Crunch

I love Cap'n Crunch...not the peanut buttery kind or that disgusting shit with those stupid little berries...the original Cap'n Crunch. If he was a real man...I'd marry his pudgy, cereal making ass...

That having been said...I felt the need to reflect on the things I love. (Pat...I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to blame you for this one...you hopeless romantic). Of course I love the obvious things like my family and whatnot...but right now I'm talking about other things...
I love good beer. I love a rainy day when I can just stay in bed. I love my favorite worn-out pair of pajama pants. I love my stained BSU sweatshirt. I love being in love. I love the smell of fresh mown hay. I love the look in someone's eyes just before you kiss. I love quilting. I love being in the arms of someone you love. I love sex (sorry, I can't lie...I love it). I love having someone who wants to just hold me in his arms. I love being loved.

Lord...that was sappy...my bad.

Bastards...

I'm gonna borrow one of Kassity's facebook quotes and use it for a brief reflection before I go out this evening...

"People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling." True and true. Sure...there are a few good people out there...but damn are they few and far between. This pertains mostly to men...which is a situation where the good ones are gay, spoken for, or ugly. All of which disqualify them from the running as a potential beau. That isn't to say that they aren't still good people...but, in the whole scheme of things, they aren't good for a whole damned lot. Women, however, can also be bastards...but to a different degree. Mostly we just call these women "bitches and hos"...

I have no idea what prompted all of that...I wish I could say I was drunk or otherwise impaired...not yet. I think I'm just a little bitter about life lately and felt the needs to get in a few digs at society...

Friday Night

Here I am ... Friday night ...relaxin' on the couch with the dog. I was supposed to go out tonight...and he is a really fantastic guy, but I definitely am not cool with knowing that I am not at the top of someone's priority list. I understand that he has a son...and I would never expect to be put above Nick...that would just be dumb...but I do expect to be given a little priority. But, whatever, I believe in second chances...unfortunately this was the second chance. So it's gonna take a colossal amount of ass-kissing for me to make plans with him again. (Not that any of you should really care about any of this...I just needed to vent a little.)

But on the plus side...I've had a few opportunities to bond with Kassity these last few nights. It's been pretty cool...even though I was damn near late for class this morning because I was feeling somewhat subpar...you'll have that I guess.

Beyond that...I'm loving being in Muncie...not loving all this nursing shit. I've never seen such huge books in my life...Example: Nursing 232...just two of the books total WELL OVER 3000 pages...what the fuck? Oh well...welcome to the school of nursing. One of these days it'll all be worth it.

As an unrelated side note: it really has been remarkable how much easier my life has been this last week or so without Kevin being in it. I really haven't talked to him since the whole carpet/vacuum fiasco...best decision ever. I thought it would be a lot harder not having him to talk to...but I don't have anyone yelling at me or questioning my every move...it's been really nice. So I'd like to allow for an "I told you so" moment for my mom, sisters, and Candi...sorry I didn't listen before.

Damn It

I quit...I just do not know what to do. I only have so much attention to give...how am I supposed to make everyone happy? Especially when I don't know who I want to give the attention to. Well...I guess I kind of do...but that one is a long story.

At any rate...my year is off to a bit of a rough start...and by "a bit"...I mean "one helluva rough start"...most of you reading this already know the details (if you don't and you care, let me know and I'll fill ya in). But I think I would have already jumped into the river were it not for Kassity...best roomie ever!! I'm sure I've done a few things to piss her off already (I'm not so good with dishes...and I'm a little OCD about cleaning things)...but she has been awesome. She kept me from having a mental breakdown when I realized that my books were gonna cost well over a thousand dollars...and she has been amazing about helping me move furniture and shit...
AND--we have pets!! It's just kickass...so maybe that'll balance out the shitload of work I'll have to do for clinicals...

Shoot Me In The Face With A Tank

Boo for absolutely everything...this has been one helluva wretched day. Allow me to recap a little...

I got the pleasure of going to the dentist this afternoon...which was kind of bittersweet...on the one hand, they only found one little cavity...I can live with that. Then we (and by we, I mean the dentist) decided to do a cleaning...fine, no big deal except for that sick ass fluoride shit. Then--we (again, the dentist) decide to do some X-rays...aside from the fact that I've had enough X-rays in my life to glow in the frickin' dark...no big deal. But then we discover that Katie has an impacted wisdom tooth...for those of you who don't know this equals a tooth that's growing sideways instead of up which equals surgery to remove the damn thing. Lovely.

Then my travels lead me to the high school where I discover that I've once again been offered the position as assistant speech coach...sweet.

Then I have to go visit Psycho Billy to reclaim some of my belongings (two rugs and a vacuum cleaner). I expected it to go rather smoothly...but, true to his name, Psycho Billy threw a freak fit on me. Big surprise there...though it has been awhile since I've been called a lying whore...I was starting to forget what that felt like...luckily he reminded me...he's pretty good about that. The rest of the encounter included some shouting and me almost running him over with the truck again (it isn't my fault he wouldn't get the fuck outta the way)...but really, all I wanted to do was leave. I have enough drama in my life without adding his bullshit to the mix. I can honestly say it wouldn't hurt my feelings in the least if I never spoke to him again...(and since I know this will get back to him...at least use direct quotes when you tell him what I wrote, you fuck).

Then I came back to Indy...where I have accomplished absolutely nothing all evening. Nothing was packed, nothing was cleaned (though I did take a bubble bath)...in fact, the highlight of my evening was deciding that I needed chicken fries from Burger King at about 11...here's a little note for ya--most Burger King's aren't fucking open at 11 o'clock...and even if you drive around most of hell's half acre...you still probably won't find one. You'll end up settling with a Speedway coke in a half-assed attempt to appease your Common Cents withdrawal. (BTW Candi: You were right...I have Wallitis).

I was hoping to make this a more reflective entry...I am going through a mini-crisis right now...but instead, I just rambled a lot. My bad.

Psycho Hillbilly

So....here is a big giant f*ck you...f*ck you you f*cking f*ck.

I've always known that you never know who's reading your blog...but I suppose I just never thought about just how far those branches could reach. So thanks, fucker.

I'm not sorry I said it...clearly, given some recent examples, one could understand why I might refer to him as "Psycho Hillbilly." In fact, I wasn't even the one who gave him that nickname...a good friend of mine dubbed him "Psycho Hillbilly" after learning of some particularly lunatic displays...and believe me, there's been more than a few...

So...let's see how long it takes for word of this entry to hit home...and you could at least leave a comment, you fuck...at least then I'd know who wasn't so much on my side...

[Editor's Note: This blog was edited because blogspot flagged me for objectionable content..f*ck me.]

Bored, bored, bored

Right now...the radio is having a survey of what men and women think after sex...niice. I usually just want to roll over and go to sleep (btw: that's reason #253 that I think I should've been born a man).

Other than that...my brain has been far too mushy to think of anything intelligent to write about--hence the break between blogs. We didn't get back to Indy 'til about 4 AM Tuesday...then I had to get up at 8 to get Candi's oil change (but on the plus side, I definitely got a date out of that ordeal)...then I went back to sleep until almost 5 yesterday afternoon and packed until about 3 this morning.

Not exactly the most productive last few days. And I still haven't been able to find my boobs on the internet...which, on one hand, is a very good thing...but I'm pretty sure that just because I can't find them doesn't mean they aren't out there...aarghh...

Let me know if you find me...:(

Dinosaur

Ok..so really I'm too lazy to do a real entry...but I do at least have to share this...

This is why I love Candi and why I love being in South Dakota...

While making meatballs for dinner tonight she says, "I really love the smell of raw meat...I think I should've been a dinosaur...like a T-rex or something."

Priceless...

Sturgis

Wow...that's all I can really even say...just wow.

Went to the biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota last night...Main Street was pretty calm...got a cute biker from Indiana to give me a ride through town...nothing too wild there.

Then we moved on to the campground...from there...things really escalated quickly. The campgrounds pretty much have a rule that anything goes as long as no one is getting hurt...

The Toby Keith concert was amazing (and I don't even like Toby Keith)...it was pouring down rain...and I ended up with 108 strands of Mardi Gras beads and one Hawaiian lei...just in case you were wondering...that's about five solid pounds of beads that I got the pleasure of hauling around all evening...108...all earned honestly (though I did get doubles from a few people). But the downside is that I am relatively certain that pictures of my boobs are gonna be all over the internet in a few days...*gulp*...though I guess as long as Mom and Dad don't see me on "Girls Gone Wild in Sturgis" in a few weeks I should be fine...though I do seem to remember a few video cameras at a couple points in the evening...oops.

I love South Dakota...and I am so coming back to camp for rally again next year...

A Fifth

Oh my God....what a night.

I didn't sober up until almost 3:00 this afternoon...then I realized that my entire body hurt...and I'm covered in weird bruises...including a bruised tailbone...

Then the memories started coming back...

(All the names are changed to protect the not-so-innocent...we were in the "trust tree" so I have to honor that...)

Here's an idea of how my evening went...I started my night with a fifth of Jim Beam...all I had this morning was an empty bottle and some missing flip flops...

This time there was no psycho hillbilly involved...but my night did include: making out with pretty much everyone, doing a lot of body shots, signing over the rights to my boobs, knocking over the beer pyramid, waking up topless, almost falling off the roof, getting a couple of lap dances, carrying the crippled kid down the stairs, a lot of boobs, and Chris in a Wonder Woman outfit...

And to top it all off...I wake up super late this morning...have to drive 90 all the way to Indy barefoot because my sandals are definitely MIA...

So in love...

Boys and girls...it's finally happened...I didn't think I would ever be able to love again, but alas....it's happened...I am 100%, totally and completely in love...


If Broadripple was a man...I would ask him to marry me today and wouldn't accept no for an answer. It's the happiest place in the world...like Disneyland....only way better. And I'm not even 21 yet...can you imagine how in love I'll be after next April....

Meanwhile...expensive imported beer is coming in a pretty close second to the ripple right now...it's been a truly delightful evening...and I guess I'll finally admit that all four of these dinners have been dates...I don't know why I even bothered arguing...

Pea Soup

I don't know how upset you
I thought things were going well
Then all of a sudden
You disappear.

It would be nice to know
Exactly what went wrong
You owe me that much
Just to let me know.

No...that isn't really supposed to a poem...it just seemed like the easiest way to say what I had to say without getting wordy or too detailed...I'm pretty sure the part for which it was intended will understand. I hope he does, I care a lot about him and would really like things to work out.

Ok, now on to other things...

"If you're gonna play the game boy, you gotta learn to play it right. You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done." --'The Gambler' --Kenny Rogers (If you didn't know that, you should've)

That song just came on and I felt the need to share it...has to be on my top ten list of all-time favorite songs (Dueling Banjos is #1). I thought I was going to have something insightful to say along that line...but I guess not. I feel like a five year old with severe ADHD right now...I have a million things running through my mind and don't really know what half of them are right now!

Here's one though: I was thinking about fidelity and relationships and booty calls...and all the things that go along with that topic. For a lot of reasons, this has been a topic of discussion with a lot of people lately...so I need to vent a little.
My first group of thoughts results from some recent discussions at work about fidelity. One of the guys just recently got engaged, but during a discussion today revealed that he has cheated on the girl at least three times during the nine years they've been together. Maybe this is one of those areas in which men and women differ...but I could never have cheated on Kevin and not told him. So I'm not saying that I'm above cheating...in fact, I think I've cheated on pretty much anyone I've ever dated...but I don't see how you could go before God and your family and profess your undying love for someone if you are hiding so many secrets. How can you pledge to be truthful to someone if you can't stay faithful, or at least honest?
Only so much of the blame for a situation like that can be placed on the other woman. You have to ask yourself, what kind of man would do that to the woman he supposedly loves and wants to marry? Is it immaturity? cold feet? stupidity? vulnerability? loneliness?



OH MY GOD....my sister just came in....Brian proposed!!! I can not believe it! I am so happy for her

Insightful Evening

This evening really was pretty delightful. I am finally back in Indy...not that I didn't really appreciate all the loving care and attention of my family, but I was getting to the point that I was relying on them for things that I could probably have done myself. And as much as I know it upset my dad to see me leaving this afternoon...I suppose it's partly his fault for raising such a fiercely independent daughter (actually three fiercely independent daughters). I know the only way I'm gonna get better is by being stubborn enough to make myself better..without overdoing it of course.

Then to celebrate my return to our little slice of heaven, my sister rented a few of her all-time favorite chick flicks and we had a movie night. Someone Like You and Serendipity were her choices...both of which I have completely fallen in love with. I don't think I love them because they are particularly well made or anything...but both are movies that kind of make ya think.

If you don't know the movies, you should see them because I'm too lazy to give any in depth plot summaries right now...but I do fully intend to share a few revelations and movie quotes.

"The Greeks didn't write obituaries. When someone died they simply asked, 'Did he live with passion?'"--Serendipity
That is awesome...maybe it doesn't really matter so much what you do with life, maybe it's how you do it. Maybe sometimes you have to make a fool of yourself if the situation is worth it...or maybe you have to go out on a limb...or risk pissing off those around you...maybe that's what it's all about. What if in the end God doesn't care what you did during your lifetime (short of the mortal sins)...maybe all he/she is going to care about is whether or not you made the absolute most of your time on Earth?

Does fate or destiny or a soulmate really exist? Is everything part of some preconceived plan for each one of us...guided only slightly by the choices we make? How many times during any given day is life giving us signals to guide us in the right direction or point us toward where we're supposed to be? What happens when you aren't receptive to those signals or when you choose to ignore "fate's plan" in an attempt to create your own plan?

Are we all someone's old cow?...or maybe the new cow? Could the "old cow theory" really hold true...at least for some men at some point in their lives? (At this point I guess I will quickly explain the theory: a bull will only mate with a cow once before wanting to move on to the next cow. In theory the same could apply to men: the male is constantly in search of a new "cow" when he tires of the old "cow"...thus explaining the fidelity issues of many men.) I think at some point most men (and most women too for that matter) probably do fall prey to this mentality...at least on some level, they feel that urge to explore greener pastures. The difference lies in how they choose to execute their search for a new cow...they can woo the new cow by profressing a false undying love and painting a bright and beautiful future or they can be upfront and make certain that the new cow understands that no opportunity exists for anything beyond a primal and emotionally void attachment.
That isn't at all to say that true love doesn't exist...that's the whole point of Someone Like You. Of course a truly selfless form of love does exist and we're all completely capable of finding it...but not every encounter is true love (or any kind of love at all) and sometimes it's nice to try to examine what's behind all those other encounters.

All right...that's really quite enough for one night.